Cow's Don't Pay Taxes

Since I'm so very often asked to think from another's shoes, I decided to borrow a pair. 

As of now, I'm a member of the parliament, surrounded by the most influential figures in the country. Today's agenda? Tax cuts. Every working-class Indians favourite topic to cry about with morning coffee and Poha. The national go-to morning routine, after complaining about us poor politicians and constantly checking Sensex every 3 seconds.

"I wish I were a cow". I thought of this at least 60 times in the past 10 minutes. They don't pay taxes, they don't cry about them either, and hell, they don't complain about politicians. All they do is chew on grass like a pro and walk the roads like they own them, and they're still respected, without doing any work. 

Just as I was about to doze off into my cow fantasy, I heard something. "Now, no one with a salary up to 12L has to pay income tax". Now this was well enough for me to start grinning and banging on the surface in front of me, like the good politician I am. Every person who almost dozed off, or tried to fake a heart attack to leave, had to start playing decent politicians instead. All I see around me is a Sabha full of smiles, like we all collectively won the lucky draw. Core memory.

                  

But here's a thing or two about our country, the people will never be satisfied. I can already hear an Indian uncle tomorrow choke on his coffee after hearing the news, and wish he only earned 12L and not a paisa more. And second, this makes the annual income tax collection lower than in the previous years. As it is, people barely pay income tax. India makes the most money out of indirect taxes, ie GST. We are HEAVY on the indirect taxes. Oh, and just so you know, we're progressive about income tax...on umm paper.

And oh man, not only me but everyone is going to be wishing they were born cows after this news. Increased taxes on popcorn, I genuinely lost my mind when I heard this. Because there is one religion all Indians collectively believe in, cinema. And we have gods in this religion- NTR, Amitabh Bachchan, Savitri, Prabhas, Mammootty, and the list goes on. Now, the devotees were pissed enough that they had to pay more for the snacks than the ticket to see their gods; now, if they have to pay extra tax (just 28%) on top of that, we're initiating war. I can already see the tomatoes and eggs being thrown at my beyond-life-sized cutout.

And some genius will definitely say, "We'll make popcorn at home and come macha, what they'll do?" Now this is the real comedy: different popcorn = different tax slabs. 

• Microwave or ready-to-cook popcorn? 18% GST;
• Unpopped corn kernels? 5% GST; 
• Ready-to-eat popcorn? 12-15% GST (depending on how fancy the popcorn is).

Now we'll all sit at home and watch movies on OTT macha. 

 Because if there’s anything I know about Indians, it’s this- we will happily pay 70% tax on cars, but think twice before paying 18% on popcorn.

At this point? We’ll all just sit at home, watch OTT, and pretend we’re protesting something. And please don't throw tomatoes at my life-sized cutouts. They're expensive.

We all better moo on. (pun intended).